Vegetarian meat substitutes have come a long way since the last time our family gave meat the boot. And I’m grateful, truly I am. I no longer have to make do with old-fashioned TVP (Textured Vegetable Protein, which is as appetizing as it sounds) or the one vile brand of veggie burgers that our local supermarket carried.
I like to cook. I like to try new things. I yearn for the rare and the different, and I consider myself a fairly open-minded soul with a lust for experimentation.
But holy shit batman, jackfruit sure is disgusting.
I had high hopes for the (absurdly pricey) package I picked up at Pete’s Fine Foods recently. I used to love pulled pork, and word on the street was that this stuff would make a fairly close approximation. Ha!
I followed the directions, being a rule-following citizen, and mixed this stuff up with some of our favourite BBQ sauce and water and let it simmer for the allotted time. To accompany this delightful treat, I fired up the deep fryer and whipped up some sweet potato fries. (Thank God that I did…or I would have been hitting the cereal shelf HARD.)
You know how, when you used to eat a regular hot dog, you KNEW intellectually there were lips and assholes in it, but you tried not to think about it? Yeah. Well.
Eating this stuff was like biting into the dog and finding that the lips and assholes were still intact.
It was slimy and full of oddly textured “bits” that were incredibly off-putting. They lingered in spite of my vigorous attempts to mash them out of existence. It also had a “fruity” flavour that I thought would be pleasant in a BBQ environment, but instead was reminiscent of someone taking a shit in a public restroom and spraying tropical air freshener on top of it.
Just LOOK at this shiny, glistening slimy pile….just look at it…I think it will come out essentially in the same state it went in.
Sorry, Jackfruit. I’m voting you off the island. I appreciate that you’re an option for some of us, but I’m personally gonna have to give you a pass.
#whatsnext #experimentswithfood #veganshit #notafan #jackfruitH8r
Once more, into the breach!